Month: October 2025

Hello distraction my old friend

Last week I received an email with this subject: HOW TO LAND A JOB IN INDIE LIT. I read about a class I could take, taught by a person who is a fiction editor for one literary magazine, a guest editor for two others, and a non-fiction editor for a fourth. She could’ve listed a fifth litmag where she was the editorial intern, but that zine stopped publishing in 2018. To land the job you love in literature, you must be prepared to work hard, not just at one job, but several at the same time. Be prepared not to make a pile of money, either.

And then I thought, why am I reading this? I have a job: Writing novels. So far it pays nothing, but guess what? I’m retired. The last thing I need is employment.

But I get distracted.

A newsletter arrives and offers me a list of 13 DAMN FINE LITMAGS WITH 5-10% ACCEPTANCE RATES. Later lists up the ante to 22 and 51 of these things. Literature moves slowly, but not if I submit a story to 13 LITMAGS THAT RESPOND IN 7 DAYS OR LESS. How about something prestigious: 10 LITMAGS TO LAUNCH YOUR WRITING CAREER and 9 INDIE PRESSES THAT WIN AWARDS FASTER THAN TAYLOR SWIFT.

I haven’t submitted anything to any of these places, but I think about them. Time is money. Thought is, too. Thinking about DAMN FINE LITMAGS and editors who respond to submissions in seven days or less because they live in another dimension is wasting money.

But then I received a newsletter from Barrelhouse (“Serious writing. Pop culture. News about things and stuff.”). If you’re wondering where the cool kids hang, it’s here. I would love to see my byline in their pages. The newsletter was a call for submissions for their “Dirty Issue”:

Barrelhouse wants the dirt. From playing in the dirt, to dirt on a rival, to the filth of humanity, to the grime or greenery of your particular locale, we want it all. Go ahead, tell us everything, you dirty birds! We want the kinds of stories and poems whispered behind cupped hands, the ones that giggle and scatter when you enter the room, the ones that draw grimaces and gasps. The stuff you find scrawled on the bathroom walls of a dive bar. Talk dirty to us, if that’s your thing. Talk about the feeling of “dirty” or being labelled as such. Got a dirty job? Tell us about it. Take us back to our childhoods, digging for worms and building mudpies; talk about the spaces, sensations, and memories full of dirt that mean a lot to you. 

By the Flaming Sword of Taylor Swift! That set me scrambling. I didn’t want to write something new, but what did I have that was old that I could fix up and that was about dirt, dirtiness, dirtitude? This wasn’t one of those times where I gave the submissions call 15 or 30 minutes of my day. I read my old blog posts. I read the files I had stashed in my SALVAGE folder. I considered past jobs where I couldn’t stay clean. I considered secret things I knew about people, but there weren’t many people or things and some of these folks are still capable of stabbing me in the pancreas. I considered secret things I knew about me, but those things are secret because they’re boring, not dirty. Where’s the dirt? Where’s the beef?

At last, I waded into my GIVE THE FUCK UP folder. And gave up.

What did I learn from this exercise? That when you’re occupied with something you shouldn’t be doing when you have something you should, two hours can pass like the snap of your fingers. That I should stabilize my rear deflectors, stay on target, and watch for enemy fighters. Because they can come at you even while you’re congratulating yourself for outrunning another day of internet distractions.

Contending with the distractions of Red Five and Gold Leader.

What do you do when you finish your novel ?

I’ve been so focused on writing my novel that it never occurred to me to wonder what life would be like when I was no longer writing.

True, I’m not finished. I wrote a first draft. I spent several days at the library, reading it and marking it up with different color markers and highlighters and attaching Post-It guideposts. It was exceedingly pleasant, in the fall weather, to walk the half hour downtown to the post office and then back again, with my book tucked into its own cardboard box, stopping for coffee and maybe a nosh somewhere along the route.

Then I took a week to revise based on my edits. This took longer than I thought it would. I’m a former copy editor. I’m accustomed to editing other people’s work and to following other people’s edits in my own. But there are many types of editing (check out this list) and I was never trained to edit for structure. Grammar, word choice, tone, dialog, rhythm—that I can look for. How it all fits together—for that I need help.

So I printed a fresh copy of the manuscript and handed it off to the head of my order. No, not my Chief Rabbit. My wife. Deborah has so far said, “It reads like a book.” She’s still immersed in it. Maybe she’s also consulting a marriage counselor. Haruki Murakami, in his memoir Novelist As a Vocation, mentions his wife exactly once, and not by name. He does say that she reads his early drafts. Then they argue and “harsh words are sometimes exchanged.”

In our house, we reserve harsh words for the occasional canine caper. I’m eager to hear what Deborah has to say. I’ve worked on my book almost every day for a year and I feel bereft without it. What am I supposed to write now? What do I do with all my notes, background material, and writing that led me down detours or into a cul-de-sac? Or do I pivot out of the book and into all of my abandoned stories and narrative misfires? Maybe I should write a memoir. Say something nice about my wife.

When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.

When I was working, Theodore Bernstein was my brother, my captain, my king. His books would seem antiquated now; this one, his last, was published in the 1970s. But for me he was a far more readable helper than Henry Fowler of A Dictionary of Modern English Usage.